I've never smoked crack before, (I've had neither the opportunity nor the inclination), but this is what I imagine it would feel like if I were. I can't sleep at all. I'm wide awake during hours which I should be dreaming about Pokemon or Digimon or some Korean monster or other. But instead I'm in San Francisco, trapped in my house by a dead car battery, shitty weather and crappy public transportation, and trapped in my room by my newly insane brother, who has taken to locking his door so that I can't walk through it to get to my own. I know he reads the site, but something has to be said because he is a little bit ridiculous. The only other entrance to my room is through my mom's and I don't feel great about stumbling through her bedroom at all hours trying to make it to the bathroom without kicking something with my enormous feet (You know what they say, ladies). Who know jetlag was a real problem? I thought it was one of those made-up diseases like Attention Deficit Disorder or cancer. It's interesting that this blog was created, and was written almost exclusively, while I was in Korea, and now here I am in San Francisco, the city that I named the site for, writing about my reactions to being absent from Korea. I suppose I'll get the hang of blogging from this new locale, although I suspect the tone of the writing (if there even was one before) will change from tongue-in-cheek cultural observations and good-natured mockery to something a little more personal. Tomorrow will be the end of my first full week here and I still feel absurd. Physically I'm backwards, that much is clear. My zest in consuming the first burrito I came into contact with was likely a miscalculation on my part-- a pinto bean and guacamole laden mistake. Other western foods have been kinder: the sourdough bread and I can't get enough of each other right now, and then there was my flirtation with the Camembert and other assorted cheeses at my mother's bougie (that's short for bourgeoise, in the parlance of our times) function on Wednesday. A smashing success by the way, thanks for asking. I've not seen as many young, gay interior decorators in such a small space since well... there's no real right way to end that sentence. I served wine like a good little monkey and made small talk with the upper-crust plutocrats who can afford to buy art right now. Mostly they just wanted to drink wine, shmooze a bit and move on down the street, though. I must say a few of the younger people who I met who have an eye for art and are collecting already were kind of intriguing. It was also nice that more people were speaking French inside the shop than English, something I haven't been around in over a year, having only spoken to my Mom while in Korea. Most people were interested in my stories and impressions of Korea, which was also welcome. It was almost as if the interest of total strangers somehow compensates for my own family's lack of interest about my year. Don't mean to whine though. I must say I imagined that all the crap I hated about my family had somehow disappeared while I was away, and now it comes as a shock that it's all still here, even much worse in some cases. 'Crap' is such an evocative label, don't you think? I would get specific, but this whole confessional/emotionally vulnerable angle is virgin territory for me when it comes to blogging, it's really more of a Caleb thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I am a veteran of this type of writing in other forums, most notably the Penthouse forum, which has published several of my angst-ridden but ultra-erotic letters in the past. I'll admit it seems premature and a bit distasteful to embrace this 'disappointed and slighted' persona, because really there was so much positivity related to my trip, the opportunities and experiences it provided, and it would seem essential for me to keep that in mind and not give in to the annoyances and flaws of being back at home. Although it's so easy to generate a list of my various discontentments right now! Now more than ever I appreciate the difficulty of Darth Vader's decision to go with the Emperor and the Dark side of the force. This much is true and very important to remind myself: most of these problems, perceived or otherwise, would not be solved if I were in South Korea, or anywhere else, right now. They would only be postponed, and in some cases ameliorated by relative freedoms Korea allowed me. Also the friends, the liberal drunkenness, the sleeping-in and the "pants-optional" rule I enforced strictly at my apartment would help out a bit. I'll ask again, does anyone have any jumper cables?

Well, despite my reluctance to get metaphysical on that ass, or at least pseudo-pschological and effusive in my writing, I have done just that, and it was relatively painless. I do believe my manhood is still in tact, but it'll take a few minutes, er hours, to check. So, until then.....